This is supposedly a letter from Walmart in Henderson NV to a customer:
Mrs. Fenton, our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.
MEMO Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares..... and watched what happened.
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible" theme.
December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And; last, but not least!
December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"